090613- I just reviewed my previous blog and I have made a resolution never to sound like that again. I suppose it goes well with my theory about some posts from the past being cringe-worthy. On the flip side, it reminded of exactly how I was feeling during certain moments in my past. I really like having that reminder about the wonderful experiences I've had and people I've met.

       In the 5 years since I last posted many significant things have happened in my life. I feel like reflecting on the more significant events for a moment.

       In August '08 my partner of 3 and a half years broke up with me. We spent the next 2 years redefining our relationship and getting to rebuild some trust. Then in Jul '10 I met my current partner and all the relationship building with my ex flew out the window...or something like that. The ex decided he couldn't handle seeing me with someone else and that he needed time to decide what he was going to do. I've seen my ex once since then, at a mutual friend's going away party. I have moved on with my life and I know he is struggling to do so with his. It makes me sad for him because he is a great guy and deserves to be happy and explore all that life has to offer. Truth be told it is slightly flattering that I would have held such a significant role in someone's life but it's also kind of weird.  People are generally able to acknowledge how significant a certain person/place/event was in their lives and then grieve over its loss and move on. I know it's not easy and everyone has their own timeline but I feel like there can be a point where this process takes "too long" to be healthy. Especially if this is barring you from making new memories with other people.
     
      In January '12 my 18 year old nephew was murdered. He was the first significant person in my life to die. My Grandpa died when I was in high school and though I felt sadness for my dad and his family's loss I couldn't feel the loss personally, as I had never really known my Grandpa (Tata). My nephew on the other hand, had grown up with me (we were only 6 years apart) and been a part of my life until I moved to college. Right before his death we started to get closer and realize we has things in common now that he was a young adult instead of just my little nephew. I regret not spending more time with him when he was visint up here and I wish I was a better aunt to him. I forgive myself in some measure since 6 years isn't a huge difference and we were more like peers for a while with me and my sister more pretending to be aunts than actually being aunts.  

      In August '12 my current partner and I almost broke up. It wasn't a clear cut I-don't-want-to-be-with-you-anymore-so let's-break-up moment either. It was a two week long state of purgatory which started based on a conversation about various issues coming up for him. As hellish as that period was for us it showed us that we really could talk to our problems and work toward a solution together. It was incredibly difficult for both of us, as we both have trouble talking about our wants/needs/desires but we did it. Right around the same time my partner acknowledged he was struggling with depression. It had been in the back of his head for a while, as evidenced but the numerous questions about interventions for depression, but when he finally admitted it he was very pro-active about getting help. We have learned a lot about each other since we've been on this journey together. Working in the mental health field did not prepare me for dealing with a partner who has mental health needs. Hell, my own mental health needs did not prepare me for dealing with his.

Those are probably the top three major events in my life since I last blogged. For better or worse these things have shaped who I am now and I'm thankful for it, even if some of it was hellish to go through.